Saturday, December 05, 2009

Smoking Extends Your Lifespan

It is commonly thought that smoking decreases your lifespan. However, our research has shown that this is untrue!

Long before cigarettes were invented for recreation, smoking was used to preserve food. Logic tells us that if smoke can preserve food, it can also preserve humans (since humans are also some form of food, as attested to by various cannibals and carnivorous predators). In fact, smoke is "an antimicrobial and antioxidant". Hence, by smoking, you will be less vulnerable to diseases and illnesses.

It is noted that a major weakness of smoking in preserving food is that "the smoke compounds adhere only to the outer surfaces of the food; smoke does not actually penetrate far into meat or fish". However, this problem is circumvented by cigarette smoking, since the smoke is directly inhaled into the body. It suffices to say that the health benefits of cigarette smoking are greatly increased over that of standing in a bonfire to be smoked.

In all, one should not be convinced by anti-smoking propaganda. The health benefits of smoking are obvious; in fact, samples of organs from deceased cigarette smokers are readily available for viewing, and the fine state of preservation of such organs should readily convince the agnostic as to the veracity of our claims.

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